Puppies and Pwnage

NOTE: Pictures are welcome! Things that currently need images:

• Tree
• Bureaucrat's Flood of Paperwork
• The Crayon Man in Nolzur's Magic Crayons
• Dance Archon
• Demon Lord Nachos
• Fuzzy Doom
• Anything else, really.

Things that need to be written:

• Lawyer Class

• Descriptions for most creatures

• More items of interesting sorts.

• Epic Lulz Feat.

A work in progress. (Stored here for now. Please ignore). However, if you do visit, please sign your name here:

Visitors:

1. Eluvatar 01:01, 16 February 2008 (PST)
2. Akka | Talk 14:44, 19 February 2008 (PST)

Puppies and Pwnage is a supplementary text to the 3rd edition of the ropleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons. It provides a variety of new spells, several new classes, and a new set of abilities according to the titular theme. P&P is not to be confused with "Pan and Paper," a popular class of cooking-oriented role playing games that goes by the same acronym.

Spells

For the Lulz

For the Lulz
Level	Sor/Wiz 9
Type	Universal
Components	None
Casting Time	Instant
Range	None
Targets	None
Duration	Instant
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

This spell has absolutely no effect in and of itself other than wasting a spell lot. A wizard or sorcerer with sufficient charisma however may be able to convince others that they have in fact done something, bound only by their imagination.

Summon Kulademan

Summon Kulademan
Level	Sor/Wiz 8
Type	Conjuration[Demonic]
Components	V,S,M
Casting Time	1 Round
Range	None
Targets	None
Duration	1 Round/level
Saving Throw	Special
Spell Resistance	No

The wizard summons the dread demon Kulademan, who will feast on the blood of the wizard's enemies, adding their delicious life essence to his own. If the wizard is near a wall of some kind, Kulademan will burst through the wall, destroying it. Otherwise, he will not be summoned and the spell fails. The wizard must declare this thirst and makes a Will saivng throw upon the appearance of Kulademan to avoid being overwhelmed by his demonic presence and consumed.

Material Components: A pitcher of water and a ruby, which is crushed into the water.

OVER 9000

OVER 9000
Level	Sor/Wiz 9001
Type	Abjuration [Power]
Components	V, V, V, V, V, [...] ,M
Casting Time	2 Rounds
Range	None
Targets	Self
Duration	Special
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

To invoke this incredibly powerful spell, the wizard must be asked "WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABBOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?". to which the wizard must respond "ITS OVER 9000!". After this process, which takes two rounds, this powerful spell is invoked and the wizard's Power Level is raised to OVER 9000: Strength, Dexterity, Constitution are set to 9001, the wizard gains 9001 bonus hit points, and he receives attacks equivalent to a fighter of level 9001. The spell lasts for at most 9001 rounds, but if the wizard does not yell "ITS OVER 9000!!!!" in a round, the spell is broken.

Material Components: A Scouter, which is crushed after the first cry of "OVER 9000!!!!!"

Fuzzy Doom

Name	Fuzzy Doom
Level	Sor/Wiz 6
Type	Conjuration [Fuzzy]
Components	V,S,F
Casting Time	1 standard action
Range	Special
Targets	All Targets in Wide Cone (150° Arc)
Duration	3 Rounds + 1 Round / 3 levels
Saving Throw	Fortitude, Reflex
Spell Resistance	Yes

The Wizard calls upon the spirits of the adorable teddy bear. At his feet are summoned a continuous stream of 6-inch tall fuzzy teddy bears that, animated through the demonic energy of the spell, march outward. The bears crawl, at a rate of 30ft/round, over anything in their path, and will crawl atop each other to overtake vertical barriers. The bears are impeded for one round per 10 feet of vertical barrier. Anyone caught in the stream is slowed to half their normal speed. When the bears reach a target, the target must make a reflex save (with a bonus of +4 for each size category above medium) or fall into the stream. Even if the save is made, after 2 rounds (+1 per size above medium) in the swarm, the target is enveloped in fuzzy death. Once in the stream, the target must make a Fortitude save each round to avoid being suffocated and crushed; two failed saves indicate being choked by the teddy bears, and crushing damage taken in the stream is 3d6/round or half with a successful Fort. save.

Arcane Focus: An adorable teddy bear.

Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst

Name	Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst
Level	Sor/Wiz 8
Type	Conjuration [Adorable]
Components	V,S
Casting Time	1 standard action
Range	30 ft.
Targets	Single creature
Duration	3 Rounds
Saving Throw	Fortitude
Spell Resistance	Yes

When cast Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst causes 2d4 puppies to burst from within the target creature, inflicting severe bodily harm to them. The target creature must succeed on a fortitude save or be killed immediately by the spell. If the creature does succeed on their fortitude save they still suffer 1d8 points of damage for each puppy summoned by the spell. Once summoned the puppies will remain for 3 rounds if not killed and will obey the commands of the caster. For the purpose of hit points, attacks and damage, saving throws etc. the puppies are treated as dogs.

Melf's Acid Trip

Name	Melf's Acid Trip
Level	Sor/Wiz 4, Bard 3, Druid 5
Type	Illusion[Hallucination]
Components	V,S,M
Casting Time	2 Rounds
Range	None
Targets	1 Humanoid Creature
Duration	Special
Saving Throw	Fort (Special)
Spell Resistance	Yes

The wizard enchants herbs with powerful magic and ingests them, sending the wizard into what some mages refer to as the "Hallucinatory Plane" or "Plane of Whoaaaaaa" - a deep state of blissful hallucination. While in this state the wizard sees everything in magical colors, hallucinates creative phenomena that have no correlation to reality, and generally wanders about in a dazed state. Once the trip is complete, the wizard has a remarkable lucidity of mind, gaining a bonus to intelligence and Charisma of 1/5(duration in minutes) for the rest of the day and halving any arcane spellcasting penalties. In addition, the wizard gains a +15 bonus to perform checks when playing a sitar.

However, there are several deletrious effects: The wizard loses 2 constitution for that day, loses 1/4 of a point of wisdom (Fortitude save negates), and is exhausted 3 hours after the spell wears off. Also, after the effects of this spell wear off, the wizard must make a Will save each day against DC 10 + 5*(Number of times the spell has been cast + 1/5(duration)) or be compelled to cast the spell again.

The duration of the spell is proportional to the amount of herbs "enchanted". The duration is given by 5 minutes plus 5 minutes for each 100 gold of herbs consumed.

Material Components: An elephant, which is submerged in a vat of acid, thus causing it to effervesce.

Expedite Game

Name	Expedite Game
Level	Sor/Wiz 6, Clr 7, Bard 5
Type	Divination [Temporal]
Components	None
Casting Time	Instant
Range	100 ft around caster
Targets	Caster + 1 Target/Level
Duration	Instant
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

A wizard who is burdened or bored by a quest may invoke this spell to pass time instantly to the point at which the quest is completed and the reward is to be handed out. Up to 1 companion/level can be transported in this manner; the rest must actually go through the questing process. Upon the instant arrival in the future, all characters' hit points are set to half their maximum (unless already lower) and all of their spells used for that day. The wizard must roll a spellcraft check against a DC of 20 + the average character level for whom the adventure was designed or be teleported instead to a future time where the wizard and his companions are all dead and the quest failed.

Be Kill By Demons

Name	Be Kill By Demons
Level	Clr 9
Type	Conjuration [Death]
Components	V,S,M
Casting Time	Instant
Range	100 ft
Targets	Single Target
Duration	Instant
Saving Throw	Fortitude negates
Spell Resistance	Yes

This spell summons demons to kill a target. If they fail a fortitude save, they are kill by demons and are a zombie.

Material Components: Some Plasmae.

Drupka Kunley's Flaming Thunderbolt

Name	Drupka Kunley's Flaming Thunderbolt
Level	Clr 6
Type	Evocation [Force]
Components	V,M,S
Casting Time	Instant
Range	100 ft around caster
Targets	Single Target
Duration	1 Round / 4 Levels
Saving Throw	Fort, Will (Special)
Spell Resistance	No

The cleric imbues himself with a massive flaming thunderbolt to overwhelm an enemy. If he succeeds a melee touch attack made at +3, then the thunderbolt has struck and the enemy will take 6d6 damage from the holy fire each round. The attack may be resisted each round if a Will save is succeeded; otherwise, the target cannot resist the power of the terrible, swift thunderbolt.

Upon completion of the act, the cleric must roll a fortitude save (DC 20 + duration) or become afflicted with a disease from the violent energy of the spell; the cleric takes 1d4 constitution damage/day. If the cleric casts Protection from Evil on himself for his safety before using this spell, the save is made at +10.

Feats

Pick Pocket Head

Prerequisite: Dexterity 19+, Strength 16, Pick Pocket 15 Ranks.

Benefit: The rogue uses her expert pick pocketing abilities to pick pocket the head of an enemy. This ability is used as a normal pick pocket action would proceed, except that the enemy receives an addition Fortitude save against (DC10 + the rogue's level) to resist the theft. If the pick pocketing skill check succeeds by 5 or more, the victim is unaware of the head being removed.

Special: Success is automatic against any Rakhshasa named Ihfateer.

Flashdance

Prerequisite: Dexterity 15+, Whirlwind Attack, Barbarian Rage, Perform 10 Ranks, Tumble 10 Ranks.

Benefit: The Barbarian uses his mighty rage to fuel a devastating dance. When active, the Barbarian does not incur attacks of opportunity, is immune to all mind-affecting and sonic effects, can jump twice the normal height and distance, moves at doubled speed, and deals double damage with each attack. The Dance lasts for 3 rounds + 1 round for each enemy killed, but ends if the Barbarian does not move at least 50 feet in a round. Also, when the Dance is over, the Barbarian becomes winded as per Rage, but with twice the negative effect.

Special: The winding penalty can be reduced to the usual Rage winding penalty if a large bucket of water is poured over the Barbarian within 1 round of the Flashdance's conclusion.

Obvious Hiding

Prerequisite: Medium Size or larger, 10 ranks Intimidate, Hide at most 0 Ranks.

Benefit: The character gains the ability to remove himself from the awareness of enemies by doing precisely the opposite, i.e. making himself as obvious as possible. By making loud noises and staying in the field of vision of the enemies, the character can effectively hide so long as the attention of the enemies is fixed on him. The hide persists so long as succeed their spot check against DC 12.

Special: Characters who hide from some enemies and attempt to obvious hide from others receive a -4 penalty to Hide and enemies receive a -4 penalty to their obvious hide spot check.

Raging Sneak Great Cleave

Prerequisite: Str 15+, Obvious Hiding, Weapon Focus in large, two handed weapon, Base Attack Bonus +12 or higher, Sneak Attack, Great Cleave, Rage.

Benefit: The Barbarian masters the art of stealth rage, gaining the ability to use large, two handed weapons to strike a target for a devastating sneak attack. A successful sneak attack using the weapon in which weapon focus has been taken while raging that kills a target hidden by Obvious Hiding allows the Barbarian, unnoticed, to sneak attack another target against whom the Barbarian is Obviously Hiddden.

Techno Rave

Prerequisites: Cha 16+, Con 13+, Perform 13 Ranks, At least 3 levels in Bard.

Benefit: The Bard uses his musical instrument and voice to create an intense techno beat that inspires all around him to dance. First the bard makes a perform check against DC 20, with enemies gaining an attack of opportunity, to successfully form the beat. Then, enemies and allies within 30 ft must make a will save against the Bard's level + 1d20 or succumb to the intoxicating beat, losing their action for that round. Success indicates desensitization to the beat. This, however, affects the bard as well, and after initiating the Beat must continue for at least three rounds.

Special: Enemies that are currently drunk or have ingested mind-altering drugs are automatically affected, chaotic lighting such as a large fire will incur a -4 penalty to the save. The Bard may use this ability to entertain a crowd, gaining twice whatever rate would have been obtained via the standard rules for Perform, but suffering a terrible headache (-2 to attack/Damage/AC) for 6 hours afterwards.

Accelerated Training

Prerequisites: At least 4 other feats, Feedback Loop [Munchkin Only]

Benefit: The hero spends several days in intensive training to learn new abilities. Choose three feats of any kind.

Special: This feat may only be taken once.

Extensive Training

Prerequisites: Accelerated Training

Benefit: The hero has become adept at learning new skills. Accelerated Training may be taken one additional time.

Predict Plot

Prerequisites: Int 19+, Wis 10+, Bardic Knowledge, 10 Ranks in Scry, 10 Ranks in Knowledge(Literature)

Benefit: The character understands the fantasy genre so well that he is able to predict what will happen. If a Knowledge check against DC 25 is succeeded, the next major element of the plot is revealed to the bard; If this fails, the bard is given a false prediction. Common plot elements like total reversals of paradigm (e.g. the villain is your father), ambushes/traps by apparent friends, love affairs and cliché reversals to avoid being cliché are detected with a DC of 20. For every step removed from the next element that bard attempts to predict, add 10 to the Knowledge DC. The DM may also make a Will Save against DC 20 + the Bard's level to resist this divining of information.

Special: Bonus of +10 to the Knowledge check if the character is in a WotC Campaign.

Spontaneous Musical

Prerequisites: Cha 18+, Dex 13+, Perform 12 Ranks, Persuade 12 Ranks, Leadership or Spontaneous Choreography.

Benefit: The hero summons the infectious spirit of song and dance, influencing all around him to organize in a massive performance. The hero spontaneously begins singing and dancing, and conjures from the Elemental Plane of Dance a catchy piano accompaniment. All humanoid creatures within a 100 foot area must make will saves against a Persuade check DC or be suddenly inspired to join. Some will run to the hero and dance with him, some might sing from the rooftops. Failure by less than 5 means the character is infused with the spirit of dance but not the enthusiasm; such a person dances a bit and waits for a break in the song to sing a reply in bitter monotone. Through this display, the hero may persuade far more effectively; so long as the target has become a part of the musical, the singing negotiation receives a +30 bonus to the persuade check. Note that if the failure was of five or less, the target of persuasion will become angry and even more adamant, and vow to oppose the hero, incurring a -2 recklessness penalty to AC permanently. This bonus drops to +10 if the request is not sincere. Once the musical has begun, it lasts about 30 minutes, and MUST be acted out to completion. The originator of the musical is automatically affected.

This ability may be used in combat; However, it does not stop enemies from attacking. Rather, everyone, including allies, attack in a dramatic, choreographed, manner. Attacks against protagonists or villains that are a part of the dance suffer a -10 penalty, but attacks against useless minions in the dance are made with a +20 bonus to attack and damage.

Special: +5 bonus to the will DC if the environment or character is clichéd.

Turn Bureaucrat

Prerequisites: Turn Undead, Cleric level 4+, Cha 15+.

Benefit: The cleric may turn the soulless bureaucrats as well as the undead. Bureaucrats are turned at an effective level of 3 less than the cleric's actual level; the Hit Die of a bureaucrat is considered to be 5 - 1/5 levels of bureaucrat. Affected bureaucrats flee from the cleric, and bureaucrats "destroyed" (as per Turn Undead) collapse unconscious for one hour.

Epic Fail

Prerequisites: Character level at least 21, Int at most 15.

Benefit: When making any skill check, use a d10 instead of a d20. Actually, maybe it should be: When making a skill check, a failure is considered a critical failure, as if a 1 were rolled.

Special: Improves the effects of Epic Lulz.

Epic Lulz

Prerequisite: Character level at least 21, Cha 11+.

Benefit: No idea.

Special: If the character also has the Epic Fail feat, the effect is doubled.

Creatures

Assassin Pie

Name	Assassin Pie
CR	6 (for a group of 3)
Size/Type	Tiny/Construct
Initiative/Speed	+2/20ft
Hit Dice	4d6 (12 Hit Points)
Armor Class	17
Attack Bonus/Type	+7/Dagger
Special Abilities	Scathing Juices, Alluring Smell
Saving Throws	Fort +2, Ref +7, Will +5
Abilities	Str 4, Dex 17, Con 4, Int 2, Wis 3, Cha 2
Feats/Skills	Blind-Fight, Mobility
Environment/Organization	Near Cities/Packs of 3
Alignment	Neutral Evil

Assassin Pies were the creations of a pastry chef who happened to also be both an accomplished wizard and utterly insane. The mage, infuriated that his pies were being eschewed in favor of healthier foods, took drastic action by crafting deadly assassins from the only materials he had at hand - a massive stock of pies. Unfortunately for the wizard, the enchanted pies were intelligent enough to form a mob, kill him, and commandeer his pie ovens to manufacture more of their kind. And so, the assassin pies were released on the world, homicidal desserts that wander the streets at night searching for something to destroy.

These pies usually cluster near cities, where they use abandoned pie shops or countryside homes to cook more of their brethren to aid them in their goal of total destruction. They wait for their prey, using their delicious exterior to attract the victim, then strike without warning with daggers hidden in their crust. Even if attacked, the delicious fruity blood of the pies sprays about and scalds enemies, leaving them vulnerable to ambush.

The secret to their construction, perhaps fortunately, was lost with the untimely death of their creator, and no one has been mad enough to attempt it again.

Dance Archon

Name	Dance Archon
CR	3
Size/Type	Tiny/Outsider
Initiative/Speed	+10/60ft[Flying]
Hit Dice	2d6 (6 hit points)
Armor Class	25
Attack Bonus/Type	None
Special Abilities	Mesmerizing Beat, Flood of Light
Saving Throws	Fort +10, Ref +10, Will +10
Abilities	Str 2, Dex 25, Con 8, Int 8, Wis 15, Cha 20
Feats/Skills	Alertness, Mobility
Environment/Organization	ELemental Plane of Dance / Packs of 3-20
Alignment	Chaotic Neutral

This creature appears as a shimmering disco ball lit by some unseen source. They reside in the Elemental Plane of Dance, but occasionally descend into the realm of mortal men to instill in them the spirit of dance.

Acid Elemental

These creatures hail from the Hallucinatory Plane. They usually appear in the material plane to torture or amuse the intoxicated. They have the ability to appear in any form, although when this form is manifested it is unstable; they must shift within a minute into a new appearance.

Dance Elemental

Dance Elementals are the native inhabitants of the Elemental Plane of Dance and the personifications of dance itself.

Demon Lord Nachos

Again, to be written later.

Classes

Goth

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+0	+0	Heart of Utter Blackness, Disconcerting Dress
2nd	+0	+0	+0	+1	Aura of Angst, Emo Poetry
3rd	+0	+0	+0	+2	Creature of Darkness
4th	+0	+0	+0	+3	Insomnia
5th	+0	+0	+0	+4	Commune with Darkness
6th	+0	+0	+0	+5	Vampiric Imitation
7th	+0	+0	+0	+6	Dark Cabal
8th	+0	+0	+0	+7	None
9th	+0	+0	+0	+8	None
10th	+0	+0	+0	+9	Agonizing Emo Poetry
11th	+0	+0	+0	+10	None
12th	+0	+0	+0	+11	None
13th	+0	+0	+0	+12	None
14th	+0	+0	+0	+13	None
15th	+0	+0	+0	+14	None
16th	+0	+0	+0	+15	Epic Fail
17th	+0	+0	+0	+16	None
18th	+0	+0	+0	+17	Death's Embrace
19th	+0	+0	+0	+18	None
20th	+0	+0	+0	+19	Apotheosis

Class Description:

Alignment: Lawful Evil; Goths have a foolish sense of order, but they do hold to it.

Hit Die: d3

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Goth.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency Goths are proficient with small bladed weapons, but only when being used on other Goths and not in combat. Otherwise, the Goth only carries a weapon for show. Goths have no proficiency with armor; this violates their principles.

Tongue of Darkness: The Goth is adept at articulating the gothic philosophy. The Goth is assumed to have ifninite synonymss for "black", "darkness", "death", "evil", and "fate." These and related words must constitute at least (20 + 4*level) of the Goths' speech.

Heart of Utter Blackness: Every Goth, upon firsting assuming this class, is imbued with the spirit of darkness that underlies the universe. The Goth knows not love or happiness, for those are mere delusions agsinst the blackness of reality. Thus the Goth believes himself to have, indeed, a 'heart of utter blackness' that is one with the void. This ability has no real effect, although the Goth thinks it is really cool.

Disconcerting Dress: The Goth must dress in a particular manner that esssentially follows the guiding principle of "Black." Failure to adhere to this dress code results in no further allowed progression in the class, and the Goth becomes a Fallen Goth. Those outside the circle of Goths find this manner of dress extremely disconcerting or at least pitiful, and suffer a -1 penalty to attack, AC, and a 5% arcane spell failure chance when attacking the Goth. Other Goths will only speak with those dressed like one.

Emo Poetry: The goth may choose to spend several hours writing poetry that reflects his philosophy. The Goth is considered to have one poem per hour of writing, which are recorded in a secret journal that must be adorned with at least 10 gp of black paint. The goth may recite these poems in a bitter monotone, instilling despair in everyone within 50 feet who fails a will save (DC 10 + 1/2(level)); the affected make Fear saves at -5 and Will saves at -4. This may go on for 5 minutes / poem written.

Agonizing Emo Poetry: The goth is so skilled at describing the soul-crushing banality of this futile existence that he may use his poetry to harm others. In combat, the Goth may direct a rapid recitation of a poem (requires two rounds) at a target, who must succeed a Will Save against 10 + Level and a Fortitude Save at the same DC. Failure of the will save causes the despair effect as per Emo Poetry. If the fortitude save is failed, the poetry inflicts 3d6 sonic damage. Success of both saves indicates the enemy is unfazed but extremely annoyed; they gain +2 attack/damage but -2 AC attacking the goth. This ability may be used once for each poem written.

Creature of Darkness: The Goth makes his home in the darkest corners o the darkest rooms; sunlight is anathema to his spiritual suffering. The Goth suffers a -4 penalty to attack and is always considered flat footed in strong sunlight; in darkness the Goth feels complete, though this satisfaction confers no bonuses.

Commune with Darkness: The Goth spends 500gp and 3 hours performing a complex ritual to meld with the spirits of darkness beyond the thin veneer of the senses that is reality. Through communinion with the Darkness, the Goth is able to channel and manipulate the streams of its black energy, thus divining the deepest secrets of the infinite well of blackness. Note that such understanding is gained only in the most abstract sense; there is no practical benefit. Upon conclusion of the ritual, the Goth is exhausted (-2 to attack, damage, AC, CON) until resting.

Vampiric Imitation: The Goth, in resonance with the dark energy of the universe, has come to assume some of the personality of the idol of the Gothic philosophy, the vampire. The Goth may, for at most 4 hours each day and never while the sun shines, act in the manner of a vampire. The DC for the spot check to notice the disguise is given by (10 + level); success indicates the Goth has been mistaken for an actual vampire. Vampires receive a +10 bonus to their spot check, although they usually play along with the imitation out of amusement. Sleeping in a coffin every day for a month provides a +2/month to the spot DC, to a maximum of +6.

Death's Embrace: The Goth has become so attuned with the soul-crushing fatalism of reality that he has completely resigned himself to the fate of death, however unpleasant. All saving throws vs. Death are assumed to fail, and attacks made against the Goth when he has lass than 30% of maximum hit points are made with a +10 bonus.

Apotheosis: The Goth lets go of the fragile thread that shackles the soul the the banal existence of reality, merging entirely with the darkness at its source. The Goth, having nowhere to progress to, suddenly dies upon reaching level 20.

Bureaucrat

Class Description:

Alignment: Lawful Neutral. Bureaucrats are frustratingly indifferent to moral concerns; they only follow the law.

Hit Die: d4

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+0	+1	Speak Bureaucratese, Summon Paperwork
2nd	+1	+0	+0	+2	Frustrate, Misplace Paperwork
3rd	+1	+1	+1	+3	Flood of Paperwork
4th	+2	+1	+2	+3	Facelessness
5th	+2	+1	+2	+4	Red Tape 1x/day
6th	+3	+2	+2	+5	Numb Mind
7th	+3	+2	+2	+5	Impede Progress
8th	+4	+2	+3	+6	Emotionlessness, Compulsory Form 1x/Day
9th	+4	+3	+3	+6	None
10th	+5	+3	+4	+6	Call Bureaucracy, Red Tape 2x/day
11th	+5	+4	+4	+5	Oversight, Compulsory Form 2x/Day
12th	+6/+1	+4	+4	+4	Deadly Boredom, Soullessness
13th	+7/+2	+5	+4	+4	None
14th	+7/+2	+5	+5	+3	Compulsory Form 3x/Day
15th	+8/+3	+5	+6	+2	Red Tape 3x/day
16th	+8/+3	+6	+6	+2	Deadly Boredom 2x/day
17th	+9/+4	+6	+7	+1	Compulsory Form 4x/Day
18th	+9/+4	+6	+7	+1	Paragon of Banality
19th	+10/+5	+7	+7	+0	None
20th	+10/+5	+7	+7	-1	Deadly Boredom 3x/day, Red Tape 4x/day, Endless Compulsory Form

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the bureaucrat.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Bureaucrats lead lives so dull and unfulfilling that they see no particular reason to make an attempt at self-defense if threatened. Thus, they are not proficient with any kind of weapon or armor, and see being attacked as a method of leaving the job more expedient than the paperwork-ridden process of quitting. Bureaucrats are, however, skilled with certain items that could in theory be used as improvised weapons, which are: Stapler, Paper (1d2 slashing damage), Pen (treat as a dart), and Obscure Law Tome (treat as small club).

Spells: Bureaucrats derive their mystical power from Triplicatus, the benevolent but distant God of Paperwork, or the malevolent Enwi, God of Soul Crushing Boredom (See Divine Obscurity supplementary text for details of this pantheon). However, as both deities are extremely distant and without much power to bestow upon mortals, bureaucrats gain no spellcasting abilities until they have become nearly avatars of the deities themselves; see Epic Bureaucrat for details.

Bonus Languages: The bureaucrat may choose as a bonus language any language that has been out of use for at least fifty years, or any obscure dialect of a currently spoken language. The bureaucrat may also choose Lawyerese (???) or Improved Bureaucratese, the latter of which provides a +2 bonus to all save DCs when spoken abilities are used.

Speak Bureaucratese: At first level, the Bureaucrat gains Bureaucratese as a bonus language. By shrouding his speech in confusing technicalities and esoteric rules, the Bureaucrat may more effectively persuade others. He adds his intelligence as well as Charisma modifier to all Persuade and Bluff checks.

Summon Paperwork: The most basic of the bureaucrat's powers; He may conjure a stack of useless paperwork 3 times + once per level. This paperwork may be totally irrelevant, or vaguely pertinent to a subject of the Bureaucrat's choosing, but never can they be useful. The paperwork must be produced either from within the robes of the Bureaucrat, from a desk, or files of some other kind.

Frustrate: At level 2, the Bureaucrat is skillful enough that he is able to infuriate enemies by his uselessness and babble. When being questioned, the bureaucrat may force the questioner to make a will save against DC 10 + the Bureaucrat's level or become so annoyed that the questioning is given up. Note that success indicates immunity to further Frustration. In combat, the bureaucrat may babble ceaselessly for a round, forcing the enemy to make this will save or avoid (remain 15 + 2*(level) feet away) the bureaucrat for 3 rounds. Of course, there are a variety of mitigating factors for this will save, including furious rage at the annoying bureaucrat; these bonuses may be assigned at the DM's discretion.

Misplace Paperwork: The bureaucrat may choose to "misplace" any paperwork given to him. The paperwork is sent to an obscure extradimensional space where it is lost forever. This process takes 3 rounds and is stopped if the bureaucrat is watched during the execution.

Flood of Paperwork: The bureaucrat summons a massive flood of paperwork to drown enemies. From a desk or other file storage device the bureaucrat calls forth a stream of papers that forms a cone 25 + 5*(level) feet in length and at most 20 feet in width. This flood is generally about a foot tall once it settles after one round (settled paper halves movement speed). Enemies hit take 2d4 slashing damage from paper cuts and are blinded for 2 rounds (Fort. save negates). Flood of paperwork is a supernatural ability.

Facelessness: The bureaucrat begins to assume the appearance of the true bureaucrat, appearing irrelevant and without personality. The bureaucrat receives a +4 bonus to Hide, and may hide as per Hide in Plain Sight so long as combat is not in progress and the environment is some kind of office. Disguise checks for an unobtrusive disguise are made with a +4 bonus as well. Scrying against the bureaucrat is done at a -4 penalty. However, the bureaucrat is rarely noticed even if he wants to, and so incurs a penalty of -5 on Persuade checks when trying to convince others to help him.

Red Tape: The bureaucrat conjures a barrier of bureaucratic energy that prevents enemies from crossing. The bureaucrat designates an area, at most 25 square feet/level, to be warded. Enemies attempting to enter the area make a will save (DC 15 + the bureaucrat's level) to pass. If they fail, they have a sudden aversion to this area, and if failure is by 10 or more, wander off for 3 rounds in search of the necessary paperwork to register before realizing there isn't any. For every visible person within the red tape, the DC is lowered by 1. Red Tape placed along actual walls adds +2 to the DC, and +5 if the red tape is around a single object like a desk or a particular stack of papers. The red tape lasts 3 rounds, and can be extended if in each subsequent round, a partial action is taken in the vicinity of the red tape to preserve it (babbling at those near the perimeter, for instance, or simply standing around looking important).

Numb Mind: The bureaucrat spends 3 rounds explaining useless things to the target, who then becomes mentally numbed for a duration of 1 round/level. A will save against DC 10 + Level + Cha avoids the effect. Numbed characters receive a +8 bonus to saves against Enchantment spells, but suffer a -2 penalty to attack and armor class, -6 penalty to Spot and Sense Motive, and a 30% chance of arcane spell failure.

Emotionlessness: The bureaucrat has been in his dull profession for so long that he has become drained of all emotions. The bureaucrat's mind becomes numb and insensitive to any kind of emotional appeal. The bureaucrat makes a Fortitude save against the spell save DC to resist an enchantment spell (in addition to the standard will save), and these saves are made at +3. Persuade/Bluff checks against the bureaucrat are made at -6 when they involve any emotional plea.

Aura of Incompetence: The bureaucrat infects all those around him with the spirit of the bureaucracy, impeding their ability to do anything of use. All enemies (and allies at 1/2 effect) within 30 feet receive a 30% chance to miss, effective -4 to INT, 30% chance of spell failure, and a -5 penalty to skill checks. Note that this only effects those who are aware of the bureaucrat. If during a round the entire time is spent being bureaucratic, treat the area for that round as if it were under the effect of a Mind Fog spell.

Soullessness: The bureaucrat has become so immersed the useless bureaucracy that his very soul has withered and gone. The bureaucrat is immune to all fear effects, Fort. saves against enchantments are made with an additional +4 bonus, and is unaffected by instant death effects such as Finger of Death. As well, Scrying cannot be done against the bureaucrat. It is difficult to tell that the bureaucrat is alive at all, or just an inefficient gear in a broken machine.

Deadly Boredom: The bureaucrat drones monotonously at the target, immersing them in such agonizing boredom that it impels them to escape through death. The bureaucrat must drone uninterrupted for 3 rounds, at which point the target must succeed a Will Save vs. Fear (DC 20) or spontaneously die of boredom. Philosophers are immune to this ability.

Compulsory Form: The bureaucrat conjures a stack of papers and compels the target to read through and fill out each document completely. The target must make a Will save (DC 40). Failing that, the afflicted must take 1 round per level of bureaucrat, minus their intelligence modifier, to complete the useless forms. During this time, the target may take no other action and cannot move. However, if attacked and a concentration check is succeeded, then the effect is broken for 2 rounds, at which point the bureaucrat may spend a round asserting the necessity of the forms (another Will save, DC 30) to resume the process. When the forms are completed, the target returns them to the bureaucrat and is freed from their curse.

Paragon of Banality: The bureaucrat has sunk to the deepest levels of of the banal bureaucracy, the very epitome of uselessness. He is not an individual at all, but a single, irrelevant component of a massive, corrupted machine. If the bureaucrat is killed, he is automatically resurrected one day later at some office with XP equal to 10 less than required to reach level 18. The bureaucrat automatically succeeds Facelessness-based hide checks, and is immune to Enchantment and Necromancy.

Epic Bureaucrat

Epic Bureaucrats have reached a critical mass of bureaucratic incompetence; they therefore have nowhere to fall except to progress backwards through the path to power through which they have taken. Thus, each level taken in Epic Bureaucrat does nothing, but removes the highest level of bureaucrat. An Epic Bureaucrat of level 40, for instance, has 20 epic levels and so is effectively level 0.

Lawyer

This needs a description.

Prestige Classes

Fiter

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+1	+2	+0	+0	Fite, Wepon
2nd	+2	+3	+0	+0	Walk More Fast
3rd	+3	+3	+1	+0	None
4th	+4	+4	+1	+0	None
5th	+5	+4	+2	+0	None
6th	+6	+5	+2	+0	None
7th	+7	+6	+2	+1	None
8th	+8	+7	+2	+1	None
9th	+9	+7	+3	+1	None
10th	+10	+8	+4	+1	Sword-Chucks?

Class Description: The Fiter fights people with his sword.

Hit Die: d10

Alignment Rsstrictions: None

Skill points per level: 0

Prerequisites: At least 1 level in fighter.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Special (See ability "Fite").

Class Features:

All of the following are class features of the Fiter.

Wepon: The Fiter is good at fiting with his wepon of choice, the sword. Treat the sword as a longsword. The fiter is always assumed to have his wepon, and may only use the sword for fiting. Furthermore, the Fiter makes precisely one attack per round with his sword.

Armor: The Fiter is good at protecting himself; He is always assumed to be wearing the equivalent of plate mail and carrying a medium shield.

Fite: The fiter is good at fiting; he is not distracted by complications like "skills" and "feats", The fighter loses all feats and skills he had from other classes, and no longer receives the usual bonus feats. Furthermore, the only action a fiter may take in combat is to attack (or move to attack).

Walk More Fast: The fiter is good at walking; he is able to reach any target within 50ft as a partial action by walking more fast. The fiter ignores any movement penalties as well. If used to attack a boss, the range is 100 ft.

Sword-Chucks: This was not my idea, of course, but how could I resist?

Tree

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+2	+0	+2	Roots, Barkskin, Treespeak. Sturdiness
2nd	+1	+2	+0	+2	Bear Fruit, Regeneration
3rd	+1	+3	+0	+3	Towering Height
4th	+2	+3	+0	+3	Sheltering Foliage, Woodland Home
5th	+2	+4	+0	+4	Covering of Moss
6th	+3	+4	+0	+4	None
7th	+3	+5	+0	+5	Spirit of the Forest
8th	+4	+5	+0	+5	Resist Blight
9th	+4	+6	+0	+6	None
10th	+5	+6	+0	+6	Majesty of Nature

Class Description: A druid seeking to truly become one with nature may choose to become a spirit of the forest, rooting himself to a single location and transforming into the noble tree.

Prerequisites: Druid 6 Levels, Toughness. The Druid must also spend at least 6 months communing with nature in the area in which he will root.

Alignment: True Neutral; Trees are one with nature and thus follow no other morality.

Hit Die: d20

Class Features:

All of the following are class features of the Tree:

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Trees are not proficient with any weapons or armor, because they are trees. A tree, however, may spend a feat to become a Battle Tree and gain proficiency in Dire Flail.

Roots: The Druid declares a location, and becomes rooted at that spot, never to move again. Tree move speed is considered to be 0 ft. If the tree is somehow uprooted, it will die if not replanted within 1 day.

Barkskin: The tree is protected by a thick layer of bark that absorbs most blows. The tree receives damage reduction of 10/+5, with an addition 5 points absorbed per 3 levels of tree.

Treespeak: The tree may communicate with nearby trees; This is not particularly useful as trees do not usually chat with their brethren, and most do not speak at all.

Sturdiness: The Tree is immune to sneak attacks, knockdown, and gains a bonus of +2/level to constitution. However, the Tree's dexterity is reduced to 2, permanently.

Bear Fruit: The tree may now grow delicious fruit upon its branches. The tree may produce 3d6 fruits + 3 / level each week. If the seeds are planted, they will grow within 30 years into a tree that starts at half its parent's level, rounded down. Consumption of such a fruit confers a +1 morale bonus to saving throws against fear, and cures 2 hit points.

Regeneration: The tree has the remarkable ability to regrow after being damaged; if even a major branch is destroyed it will grow back in at most a year. In combat, the tree receives regeneration of 2 hit points per round.

Towering Height: The tree has grown to a significant height. The tree is considered a Colossal creature, with the normal bonuses and penalties conferred. If the tree is killed by its base being cut, it will deal 20d6 damage to an enemy within 30 ft and all others caught in that line (Reflex DC 30 to avoid).

Sheltering Foliage: Allies under or in the tree receive a +2 bonus to AC and 30% concealment.

Woodland Home: The tree is an attractive home for many creatures of the forest, who flock to its branches and trunk to make their home. The tree is assumed to be the home of several squirrels, 1d4 nests of birds, and an owl. These creatures are not under control of the tree, nor will they generally fight if the tree is attacked.

Covering of Moss: The tree's trunk, near its base, is covered in a layer of moss and lichen. Enemies attempting to climb the tree suffer a -7 penalty to their climb checks. The tree also makes Hide checks with a +6 bonus.

Spirit of the Forest: The tree becomes able to commune with other spirits of the forest; any woodland spirits like nymphs and dryads may communicate with the tree telepathically so long as they are within a radius of 1000 ft.

Resist Blight: The venerable Tree gains immunity to all non magical poisons and a +8 bonus to saves against disease.

Majesty of Nature: The Tree inspires awe in all those who pass by and see its glory. Allies receive a +2 bonus to attack, damage, and saves an hour after visiting the tree.

Beggar

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+1	+0	Misery, Craft Box, Scrounge
2nd	+0	+0	+2	+0	Pitiful Appearance, Off-Key Music
3rd	+0	+0	+3	+0	Invisible Lower Class, Unpleasant Stench
4th	+0	+0	+4	+0	Growl of Gibberish, Menacing Stare
5th	+0	-1	+5	+0	Emaciation, Cesspool
6th	-1	-2	+6	+0	None
7th	-1	-2	+7	+0	None
8th	-1	-3	+8	+0	None
9th	-1	-4	+9	+0	None
10th	-1	-5	+10	+0	Untouchable

Class Description: The Beggar is a master of poverty and misery, unmatched in his ability to have no ability. Forever sinking into a state of inescapable destitution, the beggar has embraced this vicious cycle and uses this position to his advantage. Any class may become a beggar; adventurers who have fallen on hard times or those with extreme inferiority complexes are usually those who take this path. However, before sinking to this level, an adventurer must spend some time as a commoner. Beggars are unexpectedly powerful opponents, and should be approached with wariness despite what pitiful misery they project.

Prerequisites: Pick Pocket 5 Ranks, Hide 5 Ranks, At most 15 copper, 1 level in Commoner.

Hit Die: d2

Alignment Restrictions: None. Anyone can become a beggar.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Beggar.

Beg: When situated in a well traveled area, the Beggar makes an income of 1d4 copper per day. This ability is improved my many of the beggar's other skills.

Misery: The beggar appears a miserable wretch to any passers-by; the beggar receives a +3 bonus to Persuade and Bluff checks against Lawful/Neutral good characters due to this state. Beg provides an additional 1d4 copper per day.

Craft Box: The beggar knows the secret Beggar Art of building shelter out of improvised materials. In any urban area, the beggar may spend 15 minutes building a home that provides shelter from all but the most extreme weather, hides the beggar from enemies (Spot DC 15 + the Beggar's level), and gives the beggar a bonus of +2 to AC when defending inside the box. Subtract 1 copper income from beg per 4 levels of beggar - such a classy shelter reduces the beggar's ability to beg.

Scrounge: The beggar is adept at finding materials in urban areas. He receives a +10 bonus to search checks in alleys and trash bins. As well, the beggar may spend 30 minutes searching an urban area and find 1cp and enough resources to use the Craft Box ability. Scrounge is a supernatural ability.

Pitiful Appearance: The beggar knows how to invoke pity in others. Against any character who believes in helping others, the beggar receives an effective bonus of 4 to Charisma. When enemies decide to attack the beggar and the beggar is not visibly armed, they must roll a Will Save (DC15 + Beggar's level + CHA) or decide against harming such a pitiful wretch. Beg yields an additional 1d6 copper per day.

Off-Key Music: Whatever his actual musical talents, the beggar may now play and sing music out of key in any three instruments of his choice. Note that by level 6, the beggar is so used to this pitiful manner of playing that he is no longer able to play in key. Perform checks are made at a penalty of -5, with an additional -3 per level of the beggar. Failure by over 10 yields 1d10 copper from 1d4 people in the area simply to make him stop; failure by -5 yields 1d6 copper out of pity. In combat, failure by 12 makes enemies attack the beggar, failure by less than 12 but more than 4 gives enemies a -1 penalty to attack, damage, AC, and Reflex Saves.

Invisible Lower Class: The beggar is effectively invisible in an urban setting except to those who seek to help others. Persuade checks are made at =10 when Pitiful Appearance or Misery do not apply. In urban areas, the beggar receives a +4 bonus to hide and move silently. Subtract 2 copper per day from beg; few notice the beggar now.

Unpleasant Stench: The beggar tends to wear the same clothes for long periods of time and resides in quite filthy areas, thus accumulating a significant stench. The stench is assumed to accumulated to its base level of 1 by this time. If the beggar changes clothes, the level drops by 2 (down to at least 1), if he is immersed in water, the level drops by 2, and if he somehow manages to become clean, it is 0. The level increases by 1 for every week spent in dingy urban areas and an additional +1 per month.

In a radius of 10*Level ft, the stench aura disgusts others, giving them -(Level) to their attack, -(Level/2) to damage, and they must succeed a Fortitude save at DC 13 + Level each round or flee the radius of the smell. If the smell reaches level 11, it attains Epic Smell status (see Feats).

Growl of Gibberish: The beggar is adept at incoherent muttering, which unnerves enemies. At will, the beggar may begin to rant incoherently, causing all in earshot to make will saves vs. fear (DC 20 + level) or be unnerved (-1 attack/damage, -3 AC). In addition, when used out of combat, enemies must make another Will save (DC 25), or decide it is best to leave the beggar alone.

Menacing Stare: The beggar snarls and glares at his opponent, causing them to rethink any attack they might be planning. The beggar communicates through this stare a desperate rage that would be decidedly unpleasant for any would-be attacker. When used on an enemy, the target must make a Will Save (DC 30) or flee in fear for the next 3 rounds. This ability may be used once per day per level of Beggar. The DC is increased by 4 if the beggar has a visible rusty knife nearby.

Emaciation: The beggar, embracing his destitute status, eats far less than is healthy to become more pitiful and emaciated. The beggar loses 2 constitution permanently, and Beg yields 1d12 more gold. The beggar also receives a +6 bonus to Hide, Move Silently, and Escape Artist checks due to his unnatural thinness.

Cesspool: The beggar has cultivated an impressive array of diseases; he incurs a -3 penalty to attack,damage, Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, and Charisma due to this critical mass of illness, but becomes immune to all diseases and poison as his system has sunk as low as it could possibly be. In combat, the beggar may make a touch attack and afflict an enemy with a random disease (See Dungeon Master's Guide for a table of diseases); enemies that attack in close combat have a 5% chance/level of beggar to be afflicted as well. Beg income is reduced by 6, though income is doubled from good aligned clerics seeking to "heal" the beggar (note: even magical healing cannot reverse the massive accumulation of disease).

Untouchable: The beggar is the very detritus of society, and has even sunk below the lowest point to become something unimaginably pathetic. The beggar is considered to be invisible, even under the effects of spells such as True Seeing, due to his impossibly pathetic status. Those who would help, would not believe, and those who would not help, wouldn't be looking for him; the beggar is completely irrelevant to society. Even when the beggar attacks, the target must succeed a spot check (DC 30 + level of beggar) to notice him. Beg no longer has any effect.

King of the Dance

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+1	+0	+2	+0	Spontaneous Choreography
2nd	+2	+1	+2	+1	Moonwalk, Pelvic Thrust
3rd	+3	+2	+2	+2	Breakdance
4th	+4	+2	+4	+2	Bonus Feat, Deadly Gyration
5th	+5	+3	+4	+3	None
6th	+6	+4	+4	+4	None
7th	+7	+4	+6	+4	None
8th	+8	+5	+6	+5	Bonus Feat
9th	+9	+6	+6	+6	Vorpal Pirouette
10th	+10	+6	+8	+6	None

Class Description: He is just a still town hero on a Saturday night, looking for the fight of his life. In the real-time world no one sees him at all; They all say he is crazy. But locking rhythms to the beat of his heart, he has danced into the danger zone, when a dancer becomes a dance. It can cut you like a knife, if the gift becomes the fire. It is a push of the world, but there's always a chance if the hunger stays the night. Never stopping with his head against the wind. He is a maniac, maniac, and he is dancing like he has never danced before. [Ed Note: Obviously not original text]

Prerequisites: Perform 12 Ranks, Tumble 10 Ranks, Mobility, Leadership.

Hit Die: d8

Alignment Restrictions: Chaotic or Neutral; those who follow the Law cannot understand the free spirit of Dance.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the King of the Dance.

Moonwalk: Through the use of this ability the King of the Dance appears to walk forward but in fact moves backward. Enemies, confused by this contradiction and enthralled by the the King of the Dance's moves, are unable to respond. This allows the King of the Dance to move away from enemies without provoking any attacks of opportunity he normally would.

Bonus feats: Flashdance, Techno Rave, Spontaneous Musical

Pelvic Thrust

The King of the Dance becomes filled with virile dance energy which he directs at his foes through a frenetic thrusting of his pelvis. The pulses of energy hit the target with such force that the enemy is rendered immobile. The target must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + level) or take 1d4 sonic damage per level of the King. If the target can see the King, a Will save (DC 10 + level) must be succeeded or else the target is rendered immobile for two rounds, overwhelmed by the display. The King of the Dance may thrust once per round for a duration of up to 1 round + his Constitution modifier; Thrust can be used at most once per hour. After using this ability, persuade checks against the opposite sex are made at a -10 penalty for two hours.

Breakdance

Deadly Gyration

Vorpal Pirouette: The King of the Dance executes an elegant and deadly ballet maneuver, spinning about in the air, killing opponents in a delicate whirlwind of destructive dance. The pirouette may target a number of enemies equal to half (rounded down) the dexterity bonus of the King that are within 5 feet. Enemies that fail a reflex save vs. Dance (DC 13 + KotD level) are hit by the pirouette for 2d6+DEX damage, and if they fail a Fortitude save (DC 11 + KotD level), they are instantly beheaded by the vorpal pirouette. This ability may be used once per day. The reflex save DC is increased by 4 if the KotD is wearing a leotard, and reduced by the armor check penalty of the King.

Spontaneous Choreography: With this ability the King of the Dance can compel a number of people or sentient monsters to succumb to the power of Dance and follow his lead in an intricate, improvised display of dance. To initiate this ability the King of the Dance must break into his routine accompanied by music. The music may be provided by the King of the Dance himself or by another but either way the musician must succeed on a DC 25 performance check. The King of the Dance must also succeed on another DC 25 perform check to perform his dance. If either check is failed the attempt fails and the King of the Dance may not use this ability for another 24 hours. If successful, the ability may affect up to 5 creature per level of King of the Dance within a 100ft radius. The creatures nearest the King of the Dance are affected and must roll a will save DC 20 plus the King of the Dance's level and charisma modifier. Those who succeed may not be affected by this ability for another 24 hours. The dance may continue indefinitely, but for every 10 minutes that the dance lasts all creatures involved, including the King of the Dance, must succeed on a DC 10+1 for every 10 minutes danced constitution check to continue. Those that fail drop from the dance and must succeed on a DC 10+1 for every 10 minutes danced fortitude save or suffer 1d4 points of constitution damage. All creatures who drop out of the dance from exhaustion are rendered unconscious for 8 hours. The King of the Dance may cease the dance at will at any time. The musician may also choose to cease playing at anytime, ending the dance. All involved in the dance may take no other actions while dancing.

Munchkin

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+1	+2	+2	+2	Opportunistic Attack, Assume Supplies
2nd	+2	+4	+4	+4	Multitasking, Bonus Feat
3rd	+3	+6	+6	+6	Cite Infinite Monkey Theorem
4th	+4	+8	+8	+8	Positive Regression, Bonus Feat
5th	+5	+10	+10	+10	Obscure Physics
6th	+6/+1	+12	+12	+12	Invoke Xeno's Paradox, Bonus Feat
7th	+7/+2	+14	+14	+14	Relatively Free Action
8th	+8/+3	+16	+16	+16	Magical Enlightenment, Bonus Feat
9th	+9/+4	+18	+18	+18	Summon Self
10th	+10/+5	+20	+20	+20	Free Level, Bonus Feat

Class Description: An adventurer that has honed his skills to perfection may still find himself wanting more than reality affords him. Thus, a few adventurers decide to thwart the natural limitation of reality, bending the laws and rules until they are more advantageous. This is the Munchkin, who has mastered the art of getting the most out of any situation with loopholes and techinicalities that even the Gods have overlooked.

Prerequisites: Int 20+, Ability to cast 3rd level Wizard spells, Familiar AND animal companion. In addition, the aspiring Munchkin must abuse a rule in a completely absurd way before being able to take this class.

Hit Die: d%

Alignment Restrictions: The Munchkin can have any stated alignment, but cannot truly care about the distinction. Munchkins can find justification for their actions no matter how opposed it may seem to their beliefs.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Munchkin.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency Munchkins are proficient with all weapons and armor.

Opportunistic Attack: The Munchkin realizes that within the 6 seconds of a single turn, he should be able to do far more than attack once. If the entire round is spent attacking, the Munchkin gains an extra attack at the highest attack bonus. The Munchkin also can make an infinite number of attacks of opportunity, and receives the feat Cleave for this situation.

Assume Supplies: The Munchkin need not state what supplies he has; therefore, it is assumed that the Munchkin has accumulated what supplies are necessary. Whenever the Munchkin needs a non-magical item worth less than 25gp/level, it is assumed to be in his inventory.

Multitasking: The Munchkin, ever in search of expedience, is adept at avoiding the need to invest time in any action. Actions of learning such as studying a spell or learning a new skill that require several days (up to a week) are taken to be instantaneous, as the Munchkin is presumed to have done the required work while doing whatever he normally does.

Bonus Feat: At 2nd level and every other level thereafter, the Munchkin chooses a bonus feat of any kind.

Cite Infinite Monkey Theorem: So long as the probability of an action succeeding is non zero and the Munchkin has the resources to attempt it indefinitely, he is assumed to succeed after 1d4 days. That is, the Munchkin spends "a long time" to complete this action and makes use of his considerable time interpretation skills.

Positive Regression: The Munchkin has a remarkable ability to retain his skills in potentia. When level drained or losing XP to below the current level, the Munchkin may choose, once per day, to store these abilities in an extradimensional character space away from the prying eyes of reality. When the level is restored, or the Munchkin obtains the necessary XP to level, he gains a level as per standard rules, but also retrieves the abilities stored in the character space, thus duplicating his top level abilities.

Obscure Physics: The Munchkin understands physics and other science to a degree far beyond the times. He is able to construct devices for which technology does not exist, such as machine guns in a standard fantasy setting. The Munchkin spends 1/level of the cost for creating any existing technology due to a remarkable ability to use cheaper resources to greater effect. The Munchkin also never takes fall damage when falling (10ft*level) because of various impact-softening techniques whose physics are supposedly sound.

Invoke Xeno's Paradox: The Munchkin may invoke this powerful illogical argument to show that any projectile in fact will never reach him. If the Munchkin is aware of a projectile, he may argue it will take infinite time for it to propogate through each half-distance step, and the projectile itself disappears instantly. This ability may be used on living targets, but they receive a will save against DC 10 + Munchkin's level to refute the logic.

Relatively Free Action: The Munchkin may make an infinite amount of free actions each round, as they do not take up any time. Furthermore, the Munchkin may take his level times his intelligence bonus more partial actions each round by breaking each partial action into a series of free actions that take no time; the limitation on partial actions exists only because the Munchkin must spend time abusing the rules to make them require no time.

Magical Enlightenment: The Munchkin is so adept at magical studies that he is assumed to have accumulated all knowledge of wizardry. Furthermore, as wizardry is a learned rather than innate ability, the Munchkin is also assumed to be able to cast spells as if he were a 20th level wizard, and a spellbook containing every spell.

Summon Self: The Munchkin may cast [I]Simulacrum[/I] in an augmented form, once per week. Rather than creating a minor duplicate, the Munchkin may create an exact copy of himself. The Munchkin controls this clone telepathically, and it persists for 1 hour.

Free Level: At level 10 and every level thereafter, the Munchkin twists reality so that he receives enough XP to reach the next level.

Races

Smurf

The Smurfs are small blue creatures that usually dwell in idyllic villages. They are a homogeneous people with a very strong culture of optimism and an intrinsic sense of peace and goodness. They are kind, generous, adorable, and so insufferable to most of society. Although they are committed to the ideal of peace, when threatened, the Smurfs will fight evil with surprising zeal.

• -4 Str, -2 Con, +2 Wis, +4 Cha. Smurfs are weak and frail, but they are also affable and intuitive.

• Asexual: Smurfs are asexual; they do not reproduce by any known means.

• Small Size: As small creatures, Smurfs receive a +1 bonus to AC and attack against larger creatures, as well as a +4 to hide checks. [note others later]

• Blue Color: Smurfs are a sky blue color, and so they receive a +4 bonus to hide checks over blue terrain, and a -2 penalty otherwise.

• Stereotyped: Each Smurf has his own special ability with which to contribute to their communal society; a Smurf character may choose a Profession and receives a +6 bonus to skill checks for it. If this ability is used, the Smurf's name is required to be [profession] Smurf or some derivative thereof.

• Weapon Familiarity: Smurfs may not use anything but small and tiny weapons. For no particularly good reason, they gain a +2 bonus to attack rolls made with shurikens.

• Languages: Smurfs speak Smurf, a language of great subtletly whose words are almost entirely variations of the word Smurf. For example, "Today I will smurf the smurf if you don't go smurfing."

• Level Adjustment: +0

Orc-Gnome

Orc-Gnomes are the unfortunate children produced from relations between an Orc and a Gnome. Usually, the mother is a gnome and the father an extremely drunk Orc, though rarely a perverted gnome could be the father. They are awkward, ugly, and generally shunned by everyone they meet. Orc-Gnomes are shorter than humans but taller than the average gnome. They are unusually hardy, but are thick-skulled as well as thick-skinned.

• +2 Str, +4 Con, -2 Dex, -3 Wis, -4 Cha
• Humanoid (1/2 Orc, 1/2 Gnome)
• Medium-Small: As a Medium-Small creature, an orc-gnome gains a +1 size bonus to Armor Class, a +1 size bonus on attack rolls, and a +2 size bonus on Hide checks, but he takes a -2 penalty when using weapons small creatures cannot use, and his lifting and carrying limits are six-sevenths those of a Medium character.
• Orc-gnome base land speed is 20 feet.
• Low-Light Vision: An orc-gnome can see twice as far as a human in starlight, moonlight, torchlight, and similar conditions of poor illumination. He retains the ability to distinguish color and detail under these conditions.
• Weapon Familiarity: The Orc-Gnome is automatically proficient with the greataxe and may use it without the Medium-Small penalty.
• Muddled Thoughts: The orc-gnome's mind is unusually unclear; he is slow to think and weak of mind. Thus, the orc-gnome receives a -2 racial penalty on saving throws against mind-affecting spells. However, the orc=gnome receives a +2 bonus against mind-reading or psionic attacks due to his confused, tangled (or nonexistent) thoughts.
• +1 racial bonus to attack rolls and AC against orcs and gnomes; orc-gnomes are very much used to being attacked by others intolerant of their unique racial status.
• -4 racial penalty to Intimidate checks; while their orc aspect may be fearsome, the gnomishness (especially the unusually high pitched voice of an orc-gnome) makes intimidation difficult.
• +2 pity bonus to bluff, persuade: Orc-gnomes, because of their ugly, awkward appearance are perceived as either incapable of lying by sheer stupidity or in sincere need of help because of their pathetic stature. Thus orc-gnomes, who are actually reasonably intelligent, can use this to their advantage.
• Automatic Languages: Common, Gnome, Orc, and Incoherent Mumbling. Orc-Gnomes have enough trouble dealing with the languages they know; they almost never learn any others.
• Favored Class: Bardarian. The Orc-Gnome appreciates both the berserk rage of the barbarian and the roguish nature of the bard; the bardarian therefore is their ideal class.
• Level Adjustment: -2/5

Items

Non-magical items

Gnomish Extension Pole

The gnomish extension pole is an invaluable utility for any gnome who wishes to reach high places. It consists of a ten foot pole with a harness that allows for the attached gnome to be moved along the pole via a mechanical setup anchored at the pole's base. Thus, the gnome may attach himself and have a fellow party member extend him to whatever destination he wishes. The diagram below provides a detailed technical schematic for the device.

The pole must be operated by a character with at least 13 Str; failing a strength check (DC 15 + 1 / ft of extension) indicates the pole is dropped. The gnome is considered flat footed but is otherwise able to take actions in this state.

Magical items

Nolzur's Crayons of Conjuring

These items are similar to Nolzur's Magic Paints [or whatever it's called]. They allow the user to draw crude sketches of objects that become real in three dimensions. The drawing, however, is constructed according to the childish crayon drawing, so it will always appear distorted and garishly colored. Living things are created with 3 for each bast statistic, and no attack bonus; non-living things have no hardness properties they would normally have and cannot be used for their intended purpose.

If a human is drawn, the resulting creature is hideous deformed as well as being a curious looking stick figure; enemies that see it must succeed a Will Save (DC 17) or be unnerved.

The crayons may be used to draw up to 100 square feet, and must be applied to a flat, stable surface.

Admiral Ackbar's Amulet of Awareness

This small amulet is a dull silver color, inlaid with a rough, pinkish stone that glows with ambient magical energy. When the wearer activates a trap or is ambushed, the Amulet yells, "ITS A TRAP!" The Amulet will never warn of a trap before it is extremely obvious this trap exists.

Philosopher's Stone

This stone embodies the skills and powers of the philosopher. It has no effect; However, it radiates a minor aura of magical energy, causing any who see it to make a Will save (DC 21) or assume it has some meaning.