Puppies and Pwnage

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Puppies and Pwnage is a supplementary text to the 3rd edition of the ropleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons. It provides a variety of new spells, several new classes, and a new set of abilities according to the titular theme. P&P is not to be confused with "Pan and Paper," a popular class of cooking-oriented role playing games that goes by the same acronym.

Spells

For the Lulz

For the Lulz
Level	Sor/Wiz 9
Type	Universal
Components	None
Casting Time	Instant
Range	None
Targets	None
Duration	Instant
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

This spell has absolutely no effect in and of itself other than wasting a spell lot. A wizard or sorcerer with sufficient charisma however may be able to convince others that they have in fact done something, bound only by their imagination.

Summon Kulademan

Summon Kulademan
Level	Sor/Wiz 8
Type	Conjuration[Demonic]
Components	V,S,M
Casting Time	1 Round
Range	None
Targets	None
Duration	1 Round/level
Saving Throw	Special
Spell Resistance	No

The wizard summons the dread demon Kulademan, who will feast on the blood of the wizard's enemies, adding their delicious life essence to his own. If the wizard is near a wall of some kind, Kulademan will burst through the wall, destroying it. Otherwise, he will not be summoned and the spell fails. The wizard must declare this thirst and makes a Will saivng throw upon the appearance of Kulademan to avoid being overwhelmed by his demonic presence and consumed.

Material Components: A pitcher of water and a ruby, which is crushed into the water.

OVER 9000

OVER 9000
Level	Sor/Wiz 9001
Type	Abjuration [Power]
Components	V, V, V, V, V, [...] ,M
Casting Time	2 Rounds
Range	None
Targets	Self
Duration	Special
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

To invoke this incredibly powerful spell, the wizard must be asked "WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABBOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?". to which the wizard must respond "ITS OVER 9000!". After this process, which takes two rounds, this powerful spell is invoked and the wizard's Power Level is raised to OVER 9000: Strength, Dexterity, Constitution are set to 9001, the wizard gains 9001 bonus hit points, and he receives attacks equivalent to a fighter of level 9001. The spell lasts for at most 9001 rounds, but if the wizard does not yell "ITS OVER 9000!!!!" in a round, the spell is broken.

Material Components: A Scouter, which is crushed after the first cry of "OVER 9000!!!!!"

Fuzzy Doom

Name	Fuzzy Doom
Level	Sor/Wiz 6
Type	Conjuration [Fuzzy]
Components	V,S,F
Casting Time	1 standard action
Range	Special
Targets	All Targets in Wide Cone (150° Arc)
Duration	3 Rounds + 1 Round / 3 levels
Saving Throw	Fortitude, Reflex
Spell Resistance	Yes

The Wizard calls upon the spirits of the adorable teddy bear. At his feet are summoned a continuous stream of 6-inch tall fuzzy teddy bears that, animated through the demonic energy of the spell, march outward. The bears crawl, at a rate of 30ft/round, over anything in their path, and will crawl atop each other to overtake vertical barriers. The bears are impeded for one round per 10 feet of vertical barrier. Anyone caught in the stream is slowed to half their normal speed. When the bears reach a target, the target must make a reflex save (with a bonus of +4 for each size category above medium) or fall into the stream. Even if the save is made, after 2 rounds (+1 per size above medium) in the swarm, the target is enveloped in fuzzy death. Once in the stream, the target must make a Fortitude save each round to avoid being suffocated and crushed; two failed saves indicate being choked by the teddy bears, and crushing damage taken in the stream is 3d6/round or half with a successful Fort. save.

Arcane Focus: An adorable teddy bear.

Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst

Name	Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst
Level	Sor/Wiz 8
Type	Conjuration [Adorable]
Components	V,S
Casting Time	1 standard action
Range	30 ft.
Targets	Single creature
Duration	3 Rounds
Saving Throw	Fortitude
Spell Resistance	Yes

When cast Shelinda's Adorable Puppy Burst causes 2d4 puppies to burst from within the target creature, inflicting severe bodily harm to them. The target creature must succeed on a fortitude save or be killed immediately by the spell. If the creature does succeed on their fortitude save they still suffer 1d8 points of damage for each puppy summoned by the spell. Once summoned the puppies will remain for 3 rounds if not killed and will obey the commands of the caster. For the purpose of hit points, attacks and damage, saving throws etc. the puppies are treated as dogs.

Melf's Acid Trip

Name	Melf's Acid Trip
Level	Sor/Wiz 4, Bard 3, Druid 5
Type	Illusion[Hallucination]
Components	V,S,M
Casting Time	2 Rounds
Range	None
Targets	1 Humanoid Creature
Duration	Special
Saving Throw	Fort (Special)
Spell Resistance	Yes

The wizard enchants herbs with powerful magic and ingests them, sending the wizard into what some mages refer to as the "Hallucinatory Plane" or "Plane of Whoaaaaaa" - a deep state of blissful hallucination. While in this state the wizard sees everything in magical colors, hallucinates creative phenomena that have no correlation to reality, and generally wanders about in a dazed state. Once the trip is complete, the wizard has a remarkable lucidity of mind, gaining a bonus to intelligence and Charisma of 1/5(duration in minutes) for the rest of the day and halving any arcane spellcasting penalties. In addition, the wizard gains a +15 bonus to perform checks when playing a sitar.

However, there are several deletrious effects: The wizard loses 2 constitution for that day, loses 1/4 of a point of wisdom (Fortitude save negates), and is exhausted 3 hours after the spell wears off. Also, after the effects of this spell wear off, the wizard must make a Will save each day against DC 10 + 5*(Number of times the spell has been cast + 1/5(duration)) or be compelled to cast the spell again.

The duration of the spell is proportional to the amount of herbs "enchanted". The duration is given by 5 minutes plus 5 minutes for each 100 gold of herbs consumed.

Material Components: An elephant, which is submerged in a vat of acid, thus causing it to effervesce.

Expedite Game

Name	Expedite Game
Level	Sor/Wiz 6, Clr 7, Bard 5
Type	Divination [Temporal]
Components	None
Casting Time	Instant
Range	100 ft around caster
Targets	Caster + 1 Target/Level
Duration	Instant
Saving Throw	None
Spell Resistance	No

A wizard who is burdened or bored by a quest may invoke this spell to pass time instantly to the point at which the quest is completed and the reward is to be handed out. Up to 1 companion/level can be transported in this manner; the rest must actually go through the questing process. Upon the instant arrival in the future, all characters' hit points are set to half their maximum (unless already lower) and all of their spells used for that day. The wizard must roll a spellcraft check against a DC of 20 + the average character level for whom the adventure was designed or be teleported instead to a future time where the wizard and his companions are all dead and the quest failed.

Feats

Pick Pocket Head

Prerequisite: Dexterity 19+, Strength 16, Pick Pocket 15 Ranks.

Benefit: The rogue uses her expert pick pocketing abilities to pick pocket the head of an enemy. This ability is used as a normal pick pocket action would proceed, except that the enemy receives an addition Fortitude save against (DC10 + the rogue's level) to resist the theft. If the pick pocketing skill check succeeds by 5 or more, the victim is unaware of the head being removed.

Special: Success is automatic against any Rakhshasa named Ihfateer.

Flashdance

Prerequisite: Dexterity 15+, Whirlwind Attack, Barbarian Rage, Perform 10 Ranks, Tumble 10 Ranks.

Benefit: The Barbarian uses his mighty rage to fuel a devastating dance. When active, the Barbarian does not incur attacks of opportunity, is immune to all mind-affecting and sonic effects, can jump twice the normal height and distance, moves at doubled speed, and deals double damage with each attack. The Dance lasts for 3 rounds + 1 round for each enemy killed, but ends if the Barbarian does not move at least 50 feet in a round. Also, when the Dance is over, the Barbarian becomes winded as per Rage, but with twice the negative effect.

Special: The winding penalty can be reduced to the usual Rage winding penalty if a large bucket of water is poured over the Barbarian within 1 round of the Flashdance's conclusion.

Obvious Hiding

Prerequisite: Medium Size or larger, 10 ranks Intimidate, Hide at most 0 Ranks.

Benefit: The character gains the ability to remove himself from the awareness of enemies by doing precisely the opposite, i.e. making himself as obvious as possible. By making loud noises and staying in the field of vision of the enemies, the character can effectively hide so long as the attention of the enemies is fixed on him. The hide persists so long as succeed their spot check against DC 12.

Special: Characters who hide from some enemies and attempt to obvious hide from others receive a -4 penalty to Hide and enemies receive a -4 penalty to their obvious hide spot check.

Raging Sneak Great Cleave

Prerequisite: Str 15+, Obvious Hiding, Weapon Focus in large, two handed weapon, Base Attack Bonus +12 or higher, Sneak Attack, Great Cleave, Rage.

Benefit: The Barbarian masters the art of stealth rage, gaining the ability to use large, two handed weapons to strike a target for a devastating sneak attack. A successful sneak attack using the weapon in which weapon focus has been taken while raging that kills a target hidden by Obvious Hiding allows the Barbarian, unnoticed, to sneak attack another target against whom the Barbarian is Obviously Hiddden.

Techno Rave

Prerequisites: Cha 16+, Con 13+, Perform 13 Ranks, At least 3 levels in Bard.

Benefit: The Bard uses his musical instrument and voice to create an intense techno beat that inspires all around him to dance. First the bard makes a perform check against DC 20, with enemies gaining an attack of opportunity, to successfully form the beat. Then, enemies and allies within 30 ft must make a will save against the Bard's level + 1d20 or succumb to the intoxicating beat, losing their action for that round. Success indicates desensitization to the beat. This, however, affects the bard as well, and after initiating the Beat must continue for at least three rounds.

Special: Enemies that are currently drunk or have ingested mind-altering drugs are automatically affected, chaotic lighting such as a large fire will incur a -4 penalty to the save. The Bard may use this ability to entertain a crowd, gaining twice whatever rate would have been obtained via the standard rules for Perform, but suffering a terrible headache (-2 to attack/Damage/AC) for 6 hours afterwards.

Accelerated Training

Prerequisites: At least 4 other feats, Feedback Loop [Munchkin Only]

Benefit: The hero spends several days in intensive training to learn new abilities. Choose three feats of any kind.

Special: This feat may only be taken once.

Extensive Training

Prerequisites: Accelerated Training

Benefit: The hero has become adept at learning new skills. Accelerated Training may be taken one additional time.

Predict Plot

Prerequisites: Int 19+, Wis 10+, Bardic Knowledge, 10 Ranks in Scry, 10 Ranks in Knowledge(Literature)

Benefit: The character understands the fantasy genre so well that he is able to predict what will happen. If a Knowledge check against DC 25 is succeeded, the next major element of the plot is revealed to the bard; If this fails, the bard is given a false prediction. Common plot elements like total reversals of paradigm (e.g. the villain is your father), ambushes/traps by apparent friends, love affairs and cliché reversals to avoid being cliché are detected with a DC of 20. For every step removed from the next element that bard attempts to predict, add 10 to the Knowledge DC. The DM may also make a Will Save against DC 20 + the Bard's level to resist this divining of information.

Special: Bonus of +10 to the Knowledge check if the character is in a WotC Campaign.

Spontaneous Musical

Prerequisites: Cha 18+, Dex 13+, Perform 12 Ranks, Persuade 12 Ranks, Leadership or Spontaneous Choreography.

Benefit: The hero summons the infectious spirit of song and dance, influencing all around him to organize in a massive performance. The hero spontaneously begins singing and dancing, and conjures from the Elemental Plane of Dance a catchy piano accompaniment. All humanoid creatures within a 100 foot area must make will saves against a Persuade check DC or be suddenly inspired to join. Some will run to the hero and dance with him, some might sing from the rooftops. Failure by less than 5 means the character is infused with the spirit of dance but not the enthusiasm; such a person dances a bit and waits for a break in the song to sing a reply in bitter monotone. Through this display, the hero may persuade far more effectively; so long as the target has become a part of the musical, the singing negotiation receives a +30 bonus to the persuade check. Note that if the failure was of five or less, the target of persuasion will become angry and even more adamant, and vow to oppose the hero, incurring a -2 recklessness penalty to AC permanently. This bonus drops to +10 if the request is not sincere. Once the musical has begun, it lasts about 30 minutes, and MUST be acted out to completion. The originator of the musical is automatically affected.

This ability may be used in combat; However, it does not stop enemies from attacking. Rather, everyone, including allies, attack in a dramatic, choreographed, manner. Attacks against protagonists or villains that are a part of the dance suffer a -10 penalty, but attacks against useless minions in the dance are made with a +20 bonus to attack and damage.

Special: +5 bonus to the will DC if the environment or character is clichéd.

Turn Bureaucrat

Prerequisites: Turn Undead, Cleric level 4+, Cha 15+.

Benefit: The cleric may turn the soulless bureaucrats as well as the undead. Bureaucrats are turned at an effective level of 3 less than the cleric's actual level; the Hit Die of a bureaucrat is considered to be 5 - 1/5 levels of bureaucrat. Affected bureaucrats flee from the cleric, and bureaucrats "destroyed" (as per Turn Undead) collapse unconscious for one hour.

Epic Fail

Prerequisites: Character level at least 21, Int at most 15.

Benefit: When making any skill check, use a d10 instead of a d20. Actually, maybe it should be: When making a skill check, a failure is considered a critical failure, as if a 1 were rolled.

Special: Improves the effects of Epic Lulz.

Epic Lulz

Prerequisite: Character level at least 21, Cha 11+.

Benefit: No idea.

Special: If the character also has the Epic Fail feat, the effect is doubled.

Creatures

Assassin Pie

Name	Assassin Pie
CR	6 (for a group of 3)
Size/Type	Tiny/Construct
Initiative/Speed	+2/20ft
Hit Dice	4d6 (12 Hit Points)
Armor Class	17
Attack Bonus/Type	+7/Dagger
Special Abilities	Scathing Juices, Alluring Smell
Saving Throws	Fort +2, Ref +7, Will +5
Abilities	Str 4, Dex 17, Con 4, Int 2, Wis 3, Cha 2
Feats/Skills	Blind-Fight, Mobility
Environment/Organization	Near Cities/Packs of 3
Alignment	Neutral Evil

The Assassin Pie is evil and deadly and all that (to be written later). Note: stats were written as placeholders.

Dance Archon

This creature appears as a shimmering disco ball lit by some unseen source.

Acid Elemental

These creatures hail from the Hallucinatory Plane. They usually appear in the material plane to torture or amuse the intoxicated. They have the ability to appear in any form, although when this form is manifested it is unstable; they must shift within a minute into a new appearance.

Dance Elemental

Dance Elementals are the native inhabitants of the Elemental Plane of Dance and the personifications of dance itself.

Demon Lord Nachos

Again, to be written later.

Classes

Goth

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+0	+0	Heart of Utter Blackness, Disconcerting Dress
2nd	+0	+0	+0	+1	Aura of Angst, Emo Poetry
3rd	+0	+0	+0	+2	Creature of Darkness
4th	+0	+0	+0	+3	Insomnia
5th	+0	+0	+0	+4	Commune with Darkness
6th	+0	+0	+0	+5	Vampiric Imitation
7th	+0	+0	+0	+6	Dark Cabal
8th	+0	+0	+0	+7	None
9th	+0	+0	+0	+8	None
10th	+0	+0	+0	+9	Agonizing Emo Poetry
11th	+0	+0	+0	+10	None
12th	+0	+0	+0	+11	None
13th	+0	+0	+0	+12	None
14th	+0	+0	+0	+13	None
15th	+0	+0	+0	+14	None
16th	+0	+0	+0	+15	Epic Fail
17th	+0	+0	+0	+16	None
18th	+0	+0	+0	+17	Death's Embrace
19th	+0	+0	+0	+18	None
20th	+0	+0	+0	+19	Apotheosis

Class Description:

Alignment: Lawful Evil; Goths have a foolish sense of order, but they do hold to it.

Hit Die: d3

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Goth.

Tongue of Darkness: The Goth is adept at articulating the gothic philosophy. The Goth is assumed to have ifninite synonymss for "black", "darkness", "death", "evil", and "fate." These and related words must constitute at least (20 + 4*level) of the Goths' speech.

Heart of Utter Blackness: Every Goth, upon firsting assuming this class, is imbued with the spirit of darkness that underlies the universe. The Goth knows not love or happiness, for those are mere delusions agsinst the blackness of reality. Thus the Goth believes himself to have, indeed, a 'heart of utter blackness' that is one with the void. This ability has no real effect, although the Goth thinks it is really cool.

Disconcerting Dress: The Goth must dress in a particular manner that esssentially follows the guiding principle of "Black." Failure to adhere to this dress code results in no further allowed progression in the class, and the Goth becomes a Fallen Goth. Those outside the circle of Goths find this manner of dress extremely disconcerting or at least pitiful, and suffer a -1 penalty to attack, AC, and a 5% arcane spell failure chance when attacking the Goth. Other Goths will only speak with those dressed like one.

Emo Poetry: The goth may choose to spend several hours writing poetry that reflects his philosophy. The Goth is considered to have one poem per hour of writing, which are recorded in a secret journal that must be adorned with at least 10 gp of black paint. The goth may recite these poems in a bitter monotone, instilling despair in everyone within 50 feet who fails a will save (DC 10 + 1/2(level)); the affected make Fear saves at -5 and Will saves at -4. This may go on for 5 minutes / poem written.

Agonizing Emo Poetry: The goth is so skilled at describing the soul-crushing banality of this futile existence that he may use his poetry to harm others. In combat, the Goth may direct a rapid recitation of a poem (requires two rounds) at a target, who must succeed a Will Save against 10 + Level and a Fortitude Save at the same DC. Failure of the will save causes the despair effect as per Emo Poetry. If the fortitude save is failed, the poetry inflicts 3d6 sonic damage. Success of both saves indicates the enemy is unfazed but extremely annoyed; they gain +2 attack/damage but -2 AC attacking the goth. This ability may be used once for each poem written.

Creature of Darkness: The Goth makes his home in the darkest corners o the darkest rooms; sunlight is anathema to his spiritual suffering. The Goth suffers a -4 penalty to attack and is always considered flat footed in strong sunlight; in darkness the Goth feels complete, though this satisfaction confers no bonuses.

Commune with Darkness: The Goth spends 500gp and 3 hours performing a complex ritual to meld with the spirits of darkness beyond the thin veneer of the senses that is reality. Through communinion with the Darkness, the Goth is able to channel and manipulate the streams of its black energy, thus divining the deepest secrets of the infinite well of blackness. Note that such understanding is gained only in the most abstract sense; there is no practical benefit. Upon conclusion of the ritual, the Goth is exhausted (-2 to attack, damage, AC, CON) until resting.

Vampiric Imitation: The Goth, in resonance with the dark energy of the universe, has come to assume some of the personality of the idol of the Gothic philosophy, the vampire. The Goth may, for at most 4 hours each day and never while the sun shines, act in the manner of a vampire. The DC for the spot check to notice the disguise is given by (10 + level); success indicates the Goth has been mistaken for an actual vampire. Vampires receive a +10 bonus to their spot check, although they usually play along with the imitation out of amusement. Sleeping in a coffin every day for a month provides a +2/month to the spot DC, to a maximum of +6.

Death's Embrace: The Goth has become so attuned with the soul-crushing fatalism of reality that he has completely resigned himself to the fate of death, however unpleasant. All saving throws vs. Death are assumed to fail, and attacks made against the Goth when he has lass than 30% of maximum hit points are made with a +10 bonus.

Apotheosis: The Goth lets go of the fragile thread that shackles the soul the the banal existence of reality, merging entirely with the darkness at its source. The Goth, having nowhere to progress to, suddenly dies upon reaching level 20.

Bureaucrat

Class Description:

Alignment: Lawful Neutral. Bureaucrats are frustratingly indifferent to moral concerns; they only follow the law.

Hit Die: d4

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+0	+1	Speak Bureaucratese, Summon Paperwork
2nd	+1	+0	+0	+2	Frustrate, Misplace Paperwork
3rd	+1	+1	+1	+3	Flood of Paperwork
4th	+2	+1	+2	+3	Facelessness
5th	+2	+1	+2	+4	Red Tape 1x/day
6th	+3	+2	+2	+5	Numb Mind
7th	+3	+2	+2	+5	Impede Progress
8th	+4	+2	+3	+6	Emotionlessness, Compulsory Form 1x/Day
9th	+4	+3	+3	+6	None
10th	+5	+3	+4	+6	Call Bureaucracy, Red Tape 2x/day
11th	+5	+4	+4	+5	Oversight, Compulsory Form 2x/Day
12th	+6/+1	+4	+4	+4	Deadly Boredom, Soullessness
13th	+7/+2	+5	+4	+4	None
14th	+7/+2	+5	+5	+3	Total Incompetence, Compulsory Form 3x/Day
15th	+8/+3	+5	+6	+2	Red Tape 3x/day
16th	+8/+3	+6	+6	+2	Deadly Boredom 2x/day
17th	+9/+4	+6	+7	+1	Compulsory Form 4x/Day
18th	+9/+4	+6	+7	+1	Paragon of Banality
19th	+10/+5	+7	+7	+0	None
20th	+10/+5	+7	+7	-1	Deadly Boredom 3x/day, Red Tape 4x/day, Eternal Service, Endless Compulsory Form

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the bureaucrat.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Bureaucrats lead lives so dull and unfulfilling that they see no particular reason to make an attempt at self-defense if threatened. Thus, they are not proficient with any kind of weapon or armor, and see being attacked as a method of leaving the job more expedient than the paperwork-ridden process of quitting. Bureaucrats are, however, skilled with certain items that could in theory be used as improvised weapons, which are: Stapler, Paper (1d2 slashing damage), Pen (treat as a dart), and Obscure Law Tome (treat as small club).

Spells: Bureaucrats derive their mystical power from Triplicatus, the benevolent but distant God of Paperwork, or the malevolent Enwi, God of Soul Crushing Boredom (See Divine Obscurity supplementary text for details of this pantheon). However, as both deities are extremely distant and without much power to bestow upon mortals, bureaucrats gain no spellcasting abilities until they have become nearly avatars of the deities themselves; see Epic Bureaucrat for details.

Bonus Languages: The bureaucrat may choose as a bonus language any language that has been out of use for at least fifty years, or any obscure dialect of a currently spoken language. The bureaucrat may also choose Lawyerese (???) or Improved Bureaucratese, the latter of which provides a +2 bonus to all save DCs when spoken abilities are used.

Speak Bureaucratese: At first level, the Bureaucrat gains Bureaucratese as a bonus language. By shrouding his speech in confusing technicalities and esoteric rules, the Bureaucrat may more effectively persuade others. He adds his intelligence as well as Charisma modifier to all Persuade and Bluff checks.

Summon Paperwork: The most basic of the bureaucrat's powers; He may conjure a stack of useless paperwork 3 times + once per level. This paperwork may be totally irrelevant, or vaguely pertinent to a subject of the Bureaucrat's choosing, but never can they be useful. The paperwork must be produced either from within the robes of the Bureaucrat, from a desk, or files of some other kind.

Frustrate: At level 2, the Bureaucrat is skillful enough that he is able to infuriate enemies by his uselessness and babble. When being questioned, the bureaucrat may force the questioner to make a will save against DC 10 + the Bureaucrat's level or become so annoyed that the questioning is given up. Note that success indicates immunity to further Frustration. In combat, the bureaucrat may babble ceaselessly for a round, forcing the enemy to make this will save or avoid (remain 15 + 2*(level) feet away) the bureaucrat for 3 rounds. Of course, there are a variety of mitigating factors for this will save, including furious rage at the annoying bureaucrat; these bonuses may be assigned at the DM's discretion.

Misplace Paperwork: The bureaucrat may choose to "misplace" any paperwork given to him. The paperwork is sent to an obscure extradimensional space where it is lost forever. This process takes 3 rounds and is stopped if the bureaucrat is watched during the execution.

Flood of Paperwork: The bureaucrat summons a massive flood of paperwork to drown enemies. From a desk or other file storage device the bureaucrat calls forth a stream of papers that forms a cone 25 + 5*(level) feet in length and at most 20 feet in width. This flood is generally about a foot tall once it settles after one round (settled paper halves movement speed). Enemies hit take 2d4 slashing damage from paper cuts and are blinded for 2 rounds (Fort. save negates). Flood of paperwork is a supernatural ability.

Facelessness: The bureaucrat begins to assume the appearance of the true bureaucrat, appearing irrelevant and without personality. The bureaucrat receives a +4 bonus to Hide, and may hide as per Hide in Plain Sight so long as combat is not in progress and the environment is some kind of office. Disguise checks for an unobtrusive disguise are made with a +4 bonus as well. Scrying against the bureaucrat is done at a -4 penalty. However, the bureaucrat is rarely noticed even if he wants to, and so incurs a penalty of -5 on Persuade checks when trying to convince others to help him.

Red Tape: The bureaucrat conjures a barrier of bureaucratic energy that prevents enemies from crossing. The bureaucrat designates an area, at most 25 square feet/level, to be warded. Enemies attempting to enter the area make a will save (DC 15 + the bureaucrat's level) to pass. If they fail, they have a sudden aversion to this area, and if failure is by 10 or more, wander off for 3 rounds in search of the necessary paperwork to register before realizing there isn't any. For every visible person within the red tape, the DC is lowered by 1. Red Tape placed along actual walls adds +2 to the DC, and +5 if the red tape is around a single object like a desk or a particular stack of papers. The red tape lasts 3 rounds, and can be extended if in each subsequent round, a partial action is taken in the vicinity of the red tape to preserve it (babbling at those near the perimeter, for instance, or simply standing around looking important).

Numb Mind: The bureaucrat spends 3 rounds explaining useless things to the target, who then becomes mentally numbed for a duration of 1 round/level. A will save against DC 10 + Level + Cha avoids the effect. Numbed characters receive a +8 bonus to saves against Enchantment spells, but suffer a -2 penalty to attack and armor class, -6 penalty to Spot and Sense Motive, and a 30% chance of arcane spell failure.

Emotionlessness: The bureaucrat has been in his dull profession for so long that he has become drained of all emotions. The bureaucrat's mind becomes numb and insensitive to any kind of emotional appeal. The bureaucrat makes a Fortitude save against the spell save DC to resist an enchantment spell (in addition to the standard will save), and these saves are made at +3. Persuade/Bluff checks against the bureaucrat are made at -6 when they involve any emotional plea.

Aura of Incompetence: The bureaucrat infects all those around him with the spirit of the bureaucracy, impeding their ability to do anything of use. All enemies (and allies at 1/2 effect) within 30 feet receive a 30% chance to miss, effective -4 to INT, 30% chance of spell failure, and a -5 penalty to skill checks. Note that this only effects those who are aware of the bureaucrat. If during a round the entire time is spent being bureaucratic, treat the area for that round as if it were under the effect of a Mind Fog spell.

Soullessness: The bureaucrat has become so immersed the useless bureaucracy that his very soul has withered and gone. The bureaucrat is immune to all fear effects, Fort. saves against enchantments are made with an additional +4 bonus, and is unaffected by instant death effects such as Finger of Death. As well, Scrying cannot be done against the bureaucrat. It is difficult to tell that the bureaucrat is alive at all, or just an inefficient gear in a broken machine.

Paragon of Banality: The bureaucrat has sunk to the deepest levels of of the banal bureaucracy, the very epitome of uselessness. He is not an individual at all, but a single, irrelevant component of a massive, corrupted machine. If the bureaucrat is killed, he is automatically resurrected one day later at some office with XP equal to 10 less than required to reach level 18. The bureaucrat automatically succeeds Facelessness-based hide checks, and is immune to Enchantment and Necromancy.

Epic Bureaucrat

Epic Bureaucrats have reached a critical mass of bureaucratic incompetence; they therefore have nowhere to fall except to progress backwards through the path to power through which they have taken. Thus, each level taken in Epic Bureaucrat does nothing, but removes the highest level of bureaucrat. An Epic Bureaucrat of level 40, for instance, has 20 epic levels and so is effectively level 0.

Lawyer

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Prestige Classes

Beggar

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+0	+0	+1	+0	Misery, Craft Box, Scrounge
2nd	+0	+0	+2	+0	Pitiful Appearance, Off-Key Music
3rd	+0	+0	+3	+0	Invisible [rewrite], Unpleasant Stench
4th	+0	+0	+4	+0	Growl of Gibberish, Menacing Stare
5th	+0	-1	+5	+0	Emaciation, Cesspool
6th	-1	-2	+6	+0	Improved Pitiful Appearance
7th	-1	-2	+7	+0	Mark of the Hobo
8th	-1	-3	+8	+0	None
9th	-1	-4	+9	+0	None
10th	-1	-5	+10	+0	Untouchable

Class Description: The Beggar is a master of poverty and misery, unmatched in his ability to have no ability. Forever sinking into a state of inescapable destitution, the beggar has embraced this vicious cycle and uses this position to his advantage. Any class may become a beggar; adventurers who have fallen on hard times or those with extreme inferiority complexes are usually those who take this path. However, before sinking to this level, an adventurer must spend some time as a commoner. Beggars are unexpectedly powerful opponents, and should be approached with wariness despite what pitiful misery they project.

Prerequisites: Pick Pocket 5 Ranks, Hide 5 Ranks, At most 15 copper, 1 level in Commoner.

Hit Die: d2

Alignment Restrictions: None. Anyone can become a beggar.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Beggar.

Beg: When situated in a well traveled area, the Beggar makes an income of 1d4 copper per day. This ability is improved my many of the beggar's other skills.

Misery: The beggar appears a miserable wretch to any passers-by; the beggar receives a +3 bonus to Persuade and Bluff checks against Lawful/Neutral good characters due to this state. Beg provides an additional 1d4 copper per day.

Craft Box: The beggar knows the secret Beggar Art of building shelter out of improvised materials. In any urban area, the beggar may spend 15 minutes building a home that provides shelter from all but the most extreme weather, hides the beggar from enemies (Spot DC 15 + the Beggar's level), and gives the beggar a bonus of +2 to AC when defending inside the box. Subtract 1 copper income from beg per 4 levels of beggar - such a classy shelter reduces the beggar's ability to beg.

Scrounge: The beggar is adept at finding materials in urban areas. He receives a +10 bonus to search checks in alleys and trash bins. As well, the beggar may spend 30 minutes searching an urban area and find 1cp and enough resources to use the Craft Box ability. Scrounge is a supernatural ability.

Pitiful Appearance: The beggar knows how to invoke pity in others. Against any character who believes in helping others, the beggar receives an effective bonus of 4 to Charisma. When enemies decide to attack the beggar and the beggar is not visibly armed, they must roll a Will Save (DC15 + Beggar's level + CHA) or decide against harming such a pitiful wretch. Beg yields an additional 1d6 copper per day.

Off-Key Music: Whatever his actual musical talents, the beggar may now play and sing music out of key in any three instruments of his choice. Note that by level 6, the beggar is so used to this pitiful manner of playing that he is no longer able to play in key. Perform checks are made at a penalty of -5, with an additional -3 per level of the beggar. Failure by over 10 yields 1d10 copper from 1d4 people in the area simply to make him stop; failure by -5 yields 1d6 copper out of pity. In combat, failure by 12 makes enemies attack the beggar, failure by less than 12 but more than 4 gives enemies a -1 penalty to attack, damage, AC, and Reflex Saves.

Invisible Lower Class: The beggar is effectively invisible in an urban setting except to those who seek to help others. Persuade checks are made at =10 when Pitiful Appearance or Misery do not apply. In urban areas, the beggar receives a +4 bonus to hide and move silently. Subtract 2 copper per day from beg; few notice the beggar now.

Unpleasant Stench: The beggar tends to wear the same clothes for long periods of time and resides in quite filthy areas, thus accumulating a significant stench. The stench is assumed to accumulated to its base level of 1 by this time. If the beggar changes clothes, the level drops by 2 (down to at least 1), if he is immersed in water, the level drops by 2, and if he somehow manages to become clean, it is 0. The level increases by 1 for every week spent in dingy urban areas and an additional +1 per month.

In a radius of 10*Level ft, the stench aura disgusts others, giving them -(Level) to their attack, -(Level/2) to damage, and they must succeed a Fortitude save at DC 13 + Level each round or flee the radius of the smell. If the smell reaches level 11, it attains Epic Smell status (see Feats).

King of the Dance

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+1	+0	+2	+0	Spontaneous Choreography
2nd	+2	+1	+2	+1	Moonwalk, Pelvic Thrust
3rd	+3	+2	+2	+2	Breakdance
4th	+4	+2	+4	+2	Bonus Feat, Deadly Gyration
5th	+5	+3	+4	+3	None
6th	+6	+4	+4	+4	None
7th	+7	+4	+6	+4	None
8th	+8	+5	+6	+5	Bonus Feat
9th	+9	+6	+6	+6	Vorpal Pirouette
10th	+10	+6	+8	+6	None

Class Description: To be written.

Prerequisites: Perform 12 Ranks, Tumble 10 Ranks, Mobility, Leadership.

Hit Die: d8

Alignment Restrictions: Chaotic or Neutral; those who follow the Law cannot understand the free spirit of Dance.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the King of the Dance.

Moonwalk: Through the use of this ability the King of the Dance appears to walk forward but in fact moves backward. Enemies, confused by this contradiction and enthralled by the the King of the Dance's moves, are unable to respond. This allows the King of the Dance to move away from enemies without provoking any attacks of opportunity he normally would.

Bonus feats: Flashdance, Techno Rave, Spontaneous Musical

Pelvic Thrust

The King of the Dance becomes filled with virile dance energy which he directs at his foes through a frenetic thrusting of his pelvis. The pulses of energy hit the target with such force that the enemy is rendered immobile. The target must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + level) or take 1d4 sonic damage per level of the King. If the target can see the King, a Will save (DC 10 + level) must be succeeded or else the target is rendered immobile for two rounds, overwhelmed by the display. The King of the Dance may thrust once per round for a duration of up to 1 round + his Constitution modifier; Thrust can be used at most once per hour. After using this ability, persuade checks against the opposite sex are made at a -10 penalty for two hours.

Breakdance

Deadly Gyration

Vorpal Pirouette

Spontaneous Choreography: With this ability the King of the Dance can compel a number of people or sentient monsters to succumb to the power of Dance and follow his lead in an intricate, improvised display of dance. To initiate this ability the King of the Dance must break into his routine accompanied by music. The music may be provided by the King of the Dance himself or by another but either way the musician must succeed on a DC 25 performance check. The King of the Dance must also succeed on another DC 25 perform check to perform his dance. If either check is failed the attempt fails and the King of the Dance may not use this ability for another 24 hours. If successful, the ability may affect up to 5 creature per level of King of the Dance within a 100ft radius. The creatures nearest the King of the Dance are affected and must roll a will save DC 20 plus the King of the Dance's level and charisma modifier. Those who succeed may not be affected by this ability for another 24 hours. The dance may continue indefinitely, but for every 10 minutes that the dance lasts all creatures involved, including the King of the Dance, must succeed on a DC 10+1 for every 10 minutes danced constitution check to continue. Those that fail drop from the dance and must succeed on a DC 10+1 for every 10 minutes danced fortitude save or suffer 1d4 points of constitution damage. All creatures who drop out of the dance from exhaustion are rendered unconscious for 8 hours. The King of the Dance may cease the dance at will at any time. The musician may also choose to cease playing at anytime, ending the dance. All involved in the dance may take no other actions while dancing.

Munchkin

Level	Base Attack	Saving Throws			Special
		Fortitude	Reflex	Will
1st	+1	+2	+2	+2	Swift Attack, Assume Supplies
2nd	+2	+4	+4	+4	Munchkin Evasion, Fuzzy Timing
3rd	+3	+6	+6	+6	Cite Infinite Monkey Theorem, Clever Rounding
4th	+4	+8	+8	+8	Positive Regression, Bonus Feat
5th	+5	+10	+10	+10	Feedback Loop, Relatively Free Action
6th	+6/+1	+12	+12	+12	Invoke Xeno's Paradox, Bonus Feat
7th	+7/+2	+14	+14	+14	Obscure Physics
8th	+8/+3	+16	+16	+16	Summon Self, Bonus Feat
9th	+9/+4	+18	+18	+18	Extra Action
10th	+10/+5	+20	+20	+20	Free Level, Bonus Feat

Class Description: An adventurer that has honed his skills to perfection may still find himself wanting more than reality affords him. Thus, a few adventurers decide to thwart the natural limitation of reality, bending the laws and rules until they are more advantageous. This is the Munchkin, who has mastered the art of getting the most out of any situation with loopholes and techinicalities that even the Gods have overlooked.

Prerequisites: Int 20+, Ability to cast 3rd level Wizard spells, Familiar AND animal companion. In addition, the aspiring Munchkin must abuse a rule in a completely absurd way before being able to take this class.

Hit Die: d%

Alignment Restrictions; The Munchkin can have any stated alignment, but cannot truly care about the distinction. Munchkins can find justification for their actions no matter how opposed it may seem to their beliefs.

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Munchkin.

Opportunistic Attack: The Munchkin realizes that within the 6 seconds of a single turn, he should be able to do far more than attack once. If the entire round is spent attacking, the Munchkin gains an extra attack at the highest attack bonus. The Munchkin also can make an infinite number of attacks of opportunity, and receives the feat Cleave for this situation.

Assume Supplies: The Munchkin need not state what supplies he has; therefore, it is assumed that the Munchkin has accumulated what supplies are necessary. Whenever the Munchkin needs a non-magical item worth less than 25gp/level, it is assumed to be in his inventory.

Multitasking: The Munchkin, ever in search of expedience, is adept at avoiding the need to invest time in any action. Actions of learning such as studying a spell or learning a new skill that require several days (up to a week) are taken to be instantaneous, as the Munchkin is presumed to have done the required work while doing whatever he normally does.

Cite Infinite Monkey Theorem: So long as the probability of an action succeeding is non zero and the Munchkin has the resources to attempt it indefinitely, he is assumed to succeed after 1d4 days. That is, the Munchkin spends "a long time" to complete this action and makes use of his considerable time interpretation skills.

Invoke Xeno's Paradox: The Munchkin may invoke this powerful illogical argument to show that any projectile in fact will never reach him. If the Munchkin is aware of a projectile, he may argue it will take infinite time for it to propogate through each half-distance step, and the projectile itself disappears instantly. This ability may be used on living targets, but they receive a will save against DC 10 + Munchkin's level to refute the logic.

Relatively Free Action: The Munchkin may make an infinite amount of free actions each round, as they do not take up any time. Furthermore, the Munchkin may take his level times his intelligence bonus more partial actions each round by breaking each partial action into a series of free actions that take no time; the limitation on partial actions exists only because the Munchkin must spend time abusing the rules to make them require no time.

Free Level: At level 10 and every level thereafter, the Munchkin twists reality so that he receieves enough XP to reach the next level.

Races

Smurf

Orc-Gnome

Orc-Gnomes are the unfortunate children produced from relations between an Orc and a Gnome. Usually, the mother is a gnome and the father an extremely drunk Orc, though rarely a perverted gnome could be the father. They are awkward, ugly, and generally shunned by everyone they meet. Orc-Gnomes are shorter than humans but taller than the average gnome. They are unusually hardy, but are thick-skulled as well as thick-skinned.

• +2 Str, +4 Con, -2 Dex, -3 Wis, -4 Cha
• Humanoid (1/2 Orc, 1/2 Gnome)
• Medium-Small: As a Medium-Small creature, an orc-gnome gains a +1 size bonus to Armor Class, a +1 size bonus on attack rolls, and a +2 size bonus on Hide checks, but he takes a -2 penalty when using weapons small creatures cannot use, and his lifting and carrying limits are six-sevenths those of a Medium character.
• Orc-gnome base land speed is 20 feet.
• Low-Light Vision: An orc-gnome can see twice as far as a human in starlight, moonlight, torchlight, and similar conditions of poor illumination. He retains the ability to distinguish color and detail under these conditions.
• Weapon Familiarity: The Orc-Gnome is automatically proficient with the greataxe and may use it without the Medium-Small penalty.
• Muddled Thoughts: The orc-gnome's mind is unusually unclear; he is slow to think and weak of mind. Thus, the orc-gnome receives a -2 racial penalty on saving throws against mind-affecting spells. However, the orc=gnome receives a +2 bonus against mind-reading or psionic attacks due to his confused, tangled (or nonexistent) thoughts.
• +1 racial bonus to attack rolls and AC against orcs and gnomes; orc-gnomes are very much used to being attacked by others intolerant of their unique racial status.
• -4 racial penalty to Intimidate checks; while their orc aspect may be fearsome, the gnomishness (especially the unusually high pitched voice of an orc-gnome) makes intimidation difficult.
• +2 pity bonus to bluff, persuade: Orc-gnomes, because of their ugly, awkward appearance are perceived as either incapable of lying by sheer stupidity or in sincere need of help because of their pathetic stature. Thus orc-gnomes, who are actually reasonably intelligent, can use this to their advantage.
• Automatic Languages: Common, Gnome, Orc, and Incoherent Mumbling. Orc-Gnomes have enough trouble dealing with the languages they know; they almost never learn any others.
• Favored Class: Bardarian. The Orc-Gnome appreciates both the berserk rage of the barbarian and the roguish nature of the bard; the bardarian therefore is their ideal class.
• Level Adjustment: -2/5